fallopianpubes: oomshi: *takes your virginity & slam dunks it into the trash* *rebounds* not in my house
unsuccessfulmetalbenders: narutoe: i farted in the apple store and everyone got mad but it wasnt my fault they don’t have Windows get out
Cosmo Tip #455
menluda: When he asks if you’re in the mood, look him straight in the eye for a moment and then say “Bitch, I might be.”
wifipasswords: im not even sassy im just an asshole
stylinsmut: the first smut i ever read was about a girl listening to these people having sex in a bathroom stall and when they were done she snuck in and it was like “she saw semen all over the floor and bent over to pick one up” she picked up a sperm just one
princesshoff: i just had a dream that macklemore was at my house and he told me that he’d spent all the money he made from Thrift Shop and couldn’t buy food and i said “aw do you need some snacklemore” and he punched me in the face
youwishangelfish: Imagine reading a book of every conversation where people have spoken about you.
COSMO SEX TIP #8329
arekelly: Instead of moaning during climax say “Flash 9 required for audio”.
babyferaligator: calumon: my school’s “rival school” is on lockdown right now bc someone put weed in the vents so everyones slowly getting high oh my godd that’s not how weed works
M2spookykat: “what are you doing today” nothing really “ok great so you can help me with this-“ no no no you misunderstand i don’t mean i have nothing planned, i mean i plan to do nothing
Post prom morning sex, breakfast in bed, then more sex in the shower? Best end to prom.
inbox: is hitting children with your car considered bullying
boquiquishequa: deerpong: virginclub: your gay what about my gay it’s off its leash and is now redecorating my living room please take it back
harryspankme: iwantyourbutt: harryspankme: how do they even make baby corn well when the mommy and daddy corn love each other very much this was a serious question i didn’t ask for this
red-wiine: zeram: maozedung: homework? decent grades? the bible said adam and eve not adam and achieve i almost spit everywhere OMFG
michaelpalin: a plus-side to being my friend is that you can come to my house in your pajamas and i will not judge you because i will also be in my pajamas